Not Home for the Holidays

Children tearing up, waving good-bye
Forever holding the memory
Of a little orange child proof car
Leaving. Taking half of their history with

Christmas morning isn’t the same,
It’s turned to masks and rotten old candy,
Halloween-Christmas style.
Giving children razor blade apples.


Peace and quiet in the house:
Pins dropping heard across the 2 acres
one room to another
(The house finally at sleep!)Decades later

little orange child proof car
Returns, back with more history.
A war at most between blood.

ever feel human

Ever feel pain?
The type of pain you can’t change
Keeping you up at night
Making the doctor’s office your home

Call ID: Cellular call
1-630-715-4059
“Hello, Ash, when would you like an appointment?”
“Same time as last week”

Ever been different?
Felt like you are the only one out there
There’s nothing anyone can do to make you feel human
Doctors make you their lab rat.
You are no longer human.
You are known as lab rat #17.

Ever feel pain?
Knowing you can’t run for life
Your life is your foot.
Knowing you be a fan. Never the sport star.
Watching all your classmates get to play on
Money bars, slip’n’slide, jump rope, kickball.

16 long painful years
A miracle has happened

“drop foot”
FINALLY you know what you have
You have now joined the 6 other people
You are now known as #7 lab rat.

Ever feel pain?
Ever been different?
Ever been human?

lower back treasure

Treasure put on the girls lower back
Forever sealed to her skin
Blue and white in the shape of rose
Red burning flames all around the shape.

Tramp stamp it’s know for
But to the girl it’s known for everything.

Strength. Chosen her lower back
Love. Chosen her lower back
Peace. Chosen her lower back
Courage. Chosen her lower back

shattered love

Flames of the heart burn
Oh how she wishes you knew
What you really meant to her
Before everything shot up

BOMB
All she remembers
All gone in thirty seconds
All she used to know. Laying there
DEAD

Stepped in front of her
Now she wonders:
Who to blame

Was it your best friend or was it the gun man?

unhumanness

Remembering and forgetting, all just human things
Can you still have them when you feel unhuman?
Walking with only one step but having both

I remember tiptoeing downstairs early morning
Sneaking out for school
Where my life begins

I forget where I realized I’m in charge
Of who I am, how I live, what I do
Yet trapped like puppet feeling unhuman.

R.I.P poetry

Too many thoughts are like a swirling
whirlpool in the little mermaid
Swimming all around the paper yet can’t fit together
Picking one topic would just be a disaster
A poet is a multiplying parasite.
Untouched leads to plagiarism
(couldn’t have helped this poem)
Taking away my partying life like Jason Vorhees watching
his victims scream to death
Oh why oh why am I having so much difficulty
Please oh please make this stop
STOP!

dream box remix

teary eyes dancing around the room
ending on a box, this box is not just a box
its where your dreams lay, your heart stops
there's nothing I can do but stand there tearing over it

watching it disappear going under drowning in your good-bye river
holding my breath not saying those words you want to hear waiting for my lungs to fall with yours putting your box next to mine

Teary eyes dancing around the room ending on a box
your box closing every inch it can forever closed to decay
loving you till my last dance on this earth

Exploring the planets up above watching over until the day I join you forever
see that box reappear in front of my eyes
holding inside to dance once more around the room in the air with you

This is my good bye letter to you
don't forget me where my letter is tattooed to my heart
forever with your name

paradise somewhere out there

Smoking a cigarette when a goat appeared beside me.
Back home, a tear in the screen like a mouth
Of the paradise that was not.
A golden raintree holds in my mind
and on the surface of my sight
like a hand
Men who have never touched a whippet.

my brain can be turned off and on

My brain is like neon
Seen for miles
Little light beams
shinning in every direction off the broken glass
Hopefully to land in the stars I set when the switch goes on
Turn it off and you’ll see who controls my dreams
You’ll be surprised to know it’s truly me

The one who rules my design
My posters of tattoos that lies in my brain
My brain is like a neon sign
On a route of dream train

Running all night long in the dark
Not a scare to see well riding to the destination
My brain is like a neon sign glowing in the dark
Heading to the land of all stars in one station

high school journey

Around 2006 I enter high school. Few friends entering with me. walking in with my dad helping me find my way around the hundreds of rooms that I now called my classes.
Around 2007 I enter high school the second time. More friends and a boyfriend. Walked the halls with my first love looking in hundreds of rooms looking for my classroom.
Around 2008 I enter my high school. More classmates and no boyfriend. Walked the halls with my classmates walking to the classes we now know by heart.
Around 2009 I enter high school for the last time. More friends, classmates, and a boyfriend. Walking all together walking into the last couple of hundred classes I will see. Leaving my high school, leaving my friends, leaving my boyfriend, leaving everything
Around 2010 starting new! New school, new faces, new buildings, new land, new friends, new teachers, new boyfriend, new me.


not my best work but I'm trying somethings new now that i have been in poetry class.

melting mask (not my favorite or best so most likley will edit soon)

Have you ever felt like you forgotten who you really are?
Like for years you have been putting on a mask, but you just can’t take it off
You truly want to be happy but yet something is going wrong where you can’t
Therefore the mask is brought on hiding your tears as someone hurts you
Showing all the strength you have but really it’s just an act you picked up on
It’s almost like you are smiling with courage for everyone to believe
But when in reality you’re frowning with fear tattooed across your face
Trust me when I tell you that you aren’t the only one feeling this
But the only way to truly find out is to break that mask off
Melt that mask for to kill all the fears you once had

fairytale dream

It’s all a dream all a dream
Floating away as we slip intoooooo your nightmare
It’s all a dream all a dream
Waiting to be remembered once we awake
It’s all a dream all a dream
We’re too real to realize this nightmare we wake into
It’s all a dream we swear bye
Learning from the media we hear the movies we watch
Just to be taught that we’re all here watching make believe love happen before our eyes
To be told we’re never going to have that true make believe love we all dream of
It’s all a dream all a dream
Floating away as we slip back to reality to live our lives of loneliness
Until we find that person that will share our nightmare together
To make this once nightmare into a fairytale that we all dream of
It’s all a dream all a dream
waiting to be awaken from

let the good times live

This is my letter to say good bye
I never thought you be the first to go
You had so many dreams so many wishes
You may have forgotten who we were by the end
But hunny don’t worry I won’t forget you
You’ll be here forever in my heart
Listen to the beat listen to the beat
This is my last good bye to you
There you’ll catch those tears I drop for you
Holding on forever waiting to meet once more
This is my last good bye this is my letter to you
Don’t forget me for one day I’ll join you up there
To fly along the planets you dreamed of seeing
The good times to fly again among our lips
Don’t you worry for when that day comes
I will keep my promise to you forever

natural disaster

You and I together would be a natural disaster
Us together will never be the happy fairy tale
Trust me when I say we be the biggest disaster
A natural cause of all hearts breakings

Us together will never be the happy fairy tale
We be a true story, the ones where we both end up moving on
A natural cause of all hearts breakings
Heart break would be our story plot

We be a true story, the ones where we both end up moving on
Forgetting about another, as the pages turn
Heart break would be our story plot
making the story of the year in the news

best friends

You may have forgotten who we were
You may have forgotten who you were
But listen to me one day to this day you’ll never be forgotten
This is my letter to you to say good bye
I thought I could be strong thinking you were just like the others
No big deal right? You just going where you belong
Like I said about every one else who did the same as you
Watching you lay there so peaceful with water on your cheeks
Never thought it could be to where I find someone so close to me
Laying there in front of me where I couldn’t say good bye just yet
Waiting for me to drop that one tear to hold your hand forever beside me
Knowing that I wouldn’t have my best friend to catch that tear
That one last tear I shed for you to catch for you to hold on forever
Well you lay there waiting for me
You may have forgotten who we were
You may have forgotten who you were
But listen to me one day to this day you’ll never be forgotten
This is my letter to you to say good bye

legend

Ever feel like you’re alone?
No place to go no place to hide
Like your just sitting back watching your life go by
Wishing you could be something more
Wishing you be noticed for once with no help
Wishing you could die a legend
But knowing you die watching a legend
You can feel the flame in your heart
Burning for all that fame just to be seen
If just one person would tell you
“I love your work, just keep doing it”
That be all the fame you need
Everything you once lived for
Would finally come true
Just to know one person
Just one person loves your work
Dying a legend in your eyes

fadding memory

Ever realize what you had in the past isn’t what you really wanted?
the friends you shared all those loving laughing moments with now just turn to glares
your enemy’s glares turn to smiles you never thought be as true as they sparkle
the hearts you meant to break are now the ones you want to heal
now that you’re looking back to all those moments, are you shading a tear for all
those times you will miss or for all people you shared them with?
I’m just a fading memory fading away becoming a thought a wish
A pound a shooting star but it won’t come true
A story once told destroyed with every breath you take
Nothing but memory
Kissed a pound your lips
A dream you once recalled
But now it’s just another number
A picture lost in papers
A flower lost in winter
I’m just another memory
You can’t recall
An equation you can’t solve
Disappearing with one last glimps
I’m just another memory
You’ll soon forget

teddy bear

Tears running down wondering where they’ll end
Hoping one day they’ll stop and disappear for good
Crying out just to see you one more time for my pillow to come back
For my teddy bear to run the streets with me one more time
Where did you go? Can you come back? Why did it have to be this way?
I miss you your smile the way you made me feel inside
The way you knew how I felt every time you looked at me
Kissing you good bye forever I thought I never have to do

shooting star

Its 11:11 tonight a shooting star just went my way
Forgetting to wish my dream of you tonight
Wishing you were here next to me
Hoping you will feel the tear falling beneath my feet
To where you lay taking my dreams down with you
Holding on forever not letting go until you’re back in my arms
I’ll stand here to the end, taking 1,000 years if I have to just for this dream
Just to hold you one more time to say good bye the way you deserve
Its 11:11 tonight a shooting star just went my way
Forgetting to wish my dream of you tonight
Standing around waiting for you to come my way
To lift me up once again to wipe my tears away

i miss you

How come you had to leave so early?
Will you come back home for Christmas day?
Leaving us all behind wondering where you could be
If you could be alive or if you could be destroyed
Destroyed like our family
It’s not the same without you here
When are you come home?
Are you going to stay this time around?
It’s not the same for daddy to do my hair like you did when I was little
How come you had to leave with no letter of good bye?
Not a sign you were unhappy
But yet if you were really unhappy and wanted just one thing
Was that one thing for your family your blood to be destroyed?
We’re waiting around like nothing but simple hope of you returning
With a smile for all of us to see
But will this hope and wish become a nightmare or a dream come true?
If I haven’t said it yet but I miss you

happy ending

Talking all night long
Hearing your voice
Smiling till the sun burns out
What can you say? What a perfect night
Dancing around the room
Underneath the stars hearing your voice
Shimmer along the stars
Can you say I’m in love
Cuz baby I know I can say
I know I can say
I know I can say
I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU